Cowardice

Staring out the window of the train as it swayed, raping that thick air outside, on rails I glide, ruminating words, churning over inside of my head, contemplate to make the sickest lines of spoken thoughts reorganized, while my body battles, independent, seeking balance against momentum, feel the flow of the train as it floats, I’m flying high above that standing trial, in that world I manifest, where fantasy meets no denial, and a word can describe every crack and crevice. My fable life sits parallel, and I’m invisibly transcendent, So, In the car I ride, physical eyes unfocused out the window, the descending momentum pushes, beckoning I stumble, but I pay it no attention, my mental states extending, and my lips and tongue they dance to mumble as I sort through thoughts both crass and humble, Allie enters Stage Left, as the train doors give her presence birth into my bodies sight, but as I said my mind was to the right, off in places undefined, but in walks Allie twisting up my lines of divine symbols. She resembled someone that I know, ( I know I know them, that’s all I know though) assembled with her bike and book, on Annapurna, and the scale one took to surmount the sky scraping rock, erected from stress and plates in contentions, I felt my shoulders tense up. Her eyes held both blues of the sky, a clear summer day with slits of the night, those hues ran through me like ice caps in spring, atop of Annapurna was where I wanted to be. To have written the book, that she holds now and reads, so calm and so curious, ensnared by that binding at the edge of each page, tying them together, enlightening her face. Her boyish short hair and slight freckles of cheek, made her different, exhilarating my own curiosity to bare myself against every piece of fear I’ve had stuck in my side, like shrapnel of glass from the crashes in my past. I spoke fast and set foot at the base of Annapurna, And I walk. As I talk, I feel her move inside me as I ask her name, and shake her hand, inebriated on the circumstance, I climb. And in a minute I find my stop arrived, The moment dies, I meet her eyes and say ‘twas nice to meet you allie” She says the same with the setting sun silhouetting her slender figure, unaware, how much she weighs in the back of my head, I feel her pacing in my thoughts, with every step, a pang of regret, I should have got her number. So as I ride on my own bike, away from the station’s noise, her name runs through my brain, Allie, from the train, who read on Annapurna, amused by Herzog’s voice, who rides a cannondale, in a frame that otherwise might seem frail, with eyes of blue, seas I wish to seize and swim into. My body now is sacrificed, severed from that circumstance. I had the choice to open and instead I chose to hide. And now regret weighs like a mountain, Annapurna sits between my blades, and every time I think of her, I loathe the self of mine that day, and swear I’ll find her, even if only on this page.

To Rend This Heart

Oh the people that you talk to

All believe they're in love with you.

And in your Temple there's a secret door

That travels deep down straight to the core,

And he's yours

once he lands onto your petals

and your poison settles

into his brain, his Blood will

fill Desire's pill capsule,

and feed you medicine made by man.

To calm you, sedate you,

He dates you to tame you

He tames you to understand

He is the man, Oh

He only thinks he's fallen in love...

With you, I cannot Blame him,

Our investment in each other

Went Lame and defaulted.

Tooken Away

It's really not the money, it's the luxury of wasting time.

Addicted . Distracted . Victory . Misery. To victory Distracted in misery,

Fix Me. Fax this, Dialer: Violence is Inaction! : Tax me twice,

Thrice if all these children learn to learn

Instead of

memorizing

memorizing

memorizing

the image of the past, approved by zealots

holding fast and desperate.

The money is not the money.

It is the power represented by numbers-

Symbols and measurements of worth.

Tell me where you see 1 on our Earth.

Progression takes Passion, let's fasten our sights

To the stars. When we've quelled the thought of war;

Mars.

It's good to know you.

Here I am again,

Without you

The world stops breathing

The Noise breaks through the soundproof suction of your beauty

Colors dry out, fade in films of gray in absence of my seductress,

My lover, My Friend

Here I am again,

Without you.

Without your hold,

Your Voice

Your Solar Glow

Warmth comes from Within,

Without you here

I am

Alone

But never unable.

I'm a prisoner to ignorance

I'm a prisoner to ignorance,

My condition is intense,

I can't even pretend

I know to what extent

I've listened to lessen the sentence

But It's a lifetime I've spent thus far

Behind the bars of comprehension,

Inside little cells of thought, with a

Key ring stringing millions of questions

To unlock the billions of answers

mixed with trillions of suggestions:

If I align them right

I'll catch the photon brightness

And enlighten myself, righteously

To dismiss the nothingness as something

I can see, as if elevating from this plane that

I've perceived all this time/TIME IT ANGERS ME

Only one line to find my freedom from this sordid, torpid fantasy

I'm a prisoner to ignorance,

My condition is intense,

I can't even pretend

I know to what extent

Pent up in a prism,

Splitting definitive positions from a single beam into

twelve

shades. Damn, there's that digit showing its asymmetrical face, again

Within this prison of Lacking light

I

Can't ignore any sight that slips through the slit into this view that's so restricted in the spectrum I must depict it in my recollection, by comparison and repetition

these disconnected visions burn brightly

As I move blindly towards those images reflecting presence and truth

... I think that's what they do ...

I cannot commit my full confidence

Because my situation sits with it

Inches from my stretching, shackled hands.

I'm a prisoner to ignorance,

My condition is intense,

I can't even pretend

I know to what extent

All wisdom gained in merely aging in the cask I cannot tap until it's time I leave this place, never to come back.

When I disband, I hope I may understand the difference between fiction and fact-

If I ignore the sands of time will my mind remain in tact?

Will it shatter into infinite fractions, or just crack and still keep me in this indictment to be

constantly a point inflected, conflicted and unable to predict a damn thing-

Not for certain anyways,

Every day looks just the same, to my disdain i know it cannot be so,

For From a furthering circle, a spiral became, and in that frame

I feel insane

to think I seee intricate discrepancies in synergy

that revolve beside the cycles

and Im starting to believe it is dissolving, melting to a solid shape

that slips as if it were frictionless,

dripping into the abyss of the impossible

Where the incarcerated can't describe the darkness.

Ignorance. Absolute.

It's got me down and destitute

Can't rest inside this mess of the unknowing,

please Please PLEase

Provide a light for me to spark inside this cage I've made

Restricted from the bliss existing at the epicenter of what is

What is not;

Defined by an intrinsic lack of Knowledge

Forever a prisoner to ignorance

pent up in endeavors to escape

and create distance in the instant

when i forget it ever existed to begin with.